Let us now praise “Mr. Hetero”

posted by Mike on February 15th, 2006

Why am I thinking of buying a ticket to the Mr. Hetero competition? Because, as today’s paper put it, “Rev. Crouse will introduce a man who has renounced his own homosexuality,” and that totally reminds me of the time L. Ron Hubbard introduced the first person cured of mental hangups by Scientology, live on stage, in 1950.

Here’s Mike Davis’s account in City of Quartz, which includes a hefty quote from chapter 10 of Russell Miller’s Bare-Faced Messiah:

Hubbard, meanwhile, was ready to employ the occult dramaturgy and incantatory skills that he had imbibed in Parsons‘s OTO temple to more lucrative uses. Frustrated with the small-­change earnings of a pulp sci-­fi writer, he founded a pseudo-­science, Dianetics, which he eventually transformed into a full-­fledged religion, Scientology, with a cosmology derived from the pages of Astounding Science Fiction. Russell Miller, in his fascinating biographical debunking of the Hubbard myth, described the notorious Shrine Auditorium rally, at the height of the original Dianetics craze in 1950, when Hubbard introduced the world to his own equivalent of Parson’s ‘scarlet woman’:

As the highlight of the evening approached, there was a palpable sense of excitement and anticipation in the packed hall. A hush descended on the audience when at last Hubbard stepped up to the microphone to introduce the ‘world’s first clear‘. She was, he said, a young woman by the name of Sonya Bianca, a physics major and pianist from Boston. Among her many newly acquired attributes, he claimed she had ‘full and perfect recall of every moment of her life’, which she would be happy to demonstrate.

‘What did you have for breakfast on 3 October 1942?’ somebody yelled. . . . ‘What’s on page 122 of Dianetics?‘ . . . someone else asked. Miss Bianca opened her mouth but no words came out. . . . As people began getting up and walking out of the auditorium, one man noticed that Hubbard had momentarily turned his back on the girl and shouted, ‘OK, what colour necktie is Mr Hubbard wearing?’ The world’s first ‘clear’ screwed up her face in a frantic effort to remember, stared into the hostile blackness of the auditorium, then hung her head in misery. It was an awful moment.

You gotta love that old Los Angeles O.T.O./Jack Parsons/proto-Scientology/Aleister Crowley scene. (Bonus link: Jack Parsons, Rocket Scientist of Satan!)

The official Mr. Hetero site describes the “healed” homosexual man only as “someone who will give testimony to the fact that Jesus Christ freed them from all their sins.” (This is a poor use of gender-neutral pronouns, especially from a guy who claims his event is “politically incorrect.”)

You’d think that in the midst of lighthearted competitions about duct tape and potato chips, having a guy give a speech about how he used to be gay would kill the buzz.

I’m glad that there will be several events protesting Mr. Hetero. That’s the image our city should present to the world–a place where tough issues are publicly debated.

Reading the pre-Mr. Hetero coverage in this morning’s paper, I can imagine the story the day after. “Protesters wrong: Event just goofy fun, not pure evil.” Listen, nobody’s claiming Mr. Hetero is going to involve human sacrifice. But I still don’t think this is a good Christian response to homosexuality.

But what do I know? Crouse:

I pray and encourage you all to pray for those trapped in the evil web of the hypocrisy and heresy that is known as the Roman Catholic Church!

Thanks, Mr. Crouse. We can use all the prayers we can get.

More kudos to Mr. Hetero for giving us this screengrab:
Rich Nangle is not Mr Hetero, but he plays him on TV
Pictured: Telegram & Gazette reporter Rich Nangle, who is not “Mr. Hetero Massachusetts,” but plays him on TV. Thanks to an anonymous tipster for pointing out this New England Cable News Jan 11 (Windows-only) video:

Anti-homosexual event angers some in Worcester–An upcoming event in Worcester, Mass. is creating some controversy with its anti-homosexual theme. “Worcester Telegram and Gazette” reporter Rich Nangle has more on “Mr. Heterosexual.”


You’ll have people tearing Oprah magazines in half. I’m not sure of the significance of that.

Postscript: ¿Quien es mas macho?

Worcester Magazine reports that Tom Crouse faces a $6500 bill for police presence at Mr. Hetero:

Crouse says he met with Worcester Police Department and Mechanics Hall officials, and was quoted a number. After that meeting, he says, he was told by Mechanics Hall that he’d have to pay for nearly 40% more officers to be available in the event of a large or unruly crowd, as well as $700 for a barricade outside the venue, where protesters are expected.

Tickets aren’t selling well:

[Police Chief Gary] Gemme says he has been told that the Mechanics Hall box office has only sold 20 tickets to the event, and that Crouse has personally sold about 200 more. The venue can seat up to 1,500.

I wouldn’t be surprised if 10% of the tickets were sold to people planning to disrupt the event.

Demonstrating outside might have an effect:

Both Gagne and Crouse say the organizer has sold “hundreds” of tickets and are expecting a large walk-in.

Imagine someone driving into downtown Worcester who hasn’t yet bought his ticket. He, and maybe his wife, are hoping to have a fun, Christian time. They cruise down Main Street looking for parking, and see dozens of demonstrators.

“Honey,” the wife says, “why don’t we just go down to Shrewsbury Street and have dinner instead?”

Tickets are $12, and it costs another $20 to enter the competition, with a first prize of only $100. Seems like kind of a ripoff to watch guys talk about duct tape and their “heterosexual role model.”

To encourage competition, I hereby offer $1 to anyone who enters and when asked, “Who is your heterosexual role model?” answers “Tom Cruise.”

In other news:

  • Apparently the City of Worcester’s Human Rights Commission and City Manager’s Community Task Force on Bias and Hate Crime have denounced the Mr. Hetero contest.
  • Tom Crouse recently removed all past comments from his blog. The comments helped those of us who didn’t listen to his radio show to follow his anti-Catholic statements. “Roman Soldier,” who frequented Crouse’s comments section, has his own blog. See ” Why I Can’t Support Mr. Hetero.”
  • The mayor has spoken out in favor of free speech and against gay-bashing:

    . . . we must also vigorously exercise our own right to speak out and speak up and say we don’t condone or support events which unfairly and unjustly target a group of people because of their sexual orientation.

My firsthand report from the event is at Worcester Indymedia.

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4 Comments Leave a comment.

  1. On February 16, 2006 at 12:49 Adam (Southern California) said:

    You’d think a “Mr. Hetero” competition would involve more direct tests of heterosexuality or something, like correctly identifying which woman is more attractive (not sure how you’d judge that), or using some sort of brain-wave arousal monitor to find the man with the highest differential between arousal from women in bikinis vs. men in hot pants. Or maybe they could offer the contestants a night with a beautiful woman vs. a delicious steak dinner, and whoever needs the biggest steak dinner to entice them away from the woman wins the prize.

  2. On February 16, 2006 at 12:50 Adam (Southern California) said:

    You also missed out on using the headline, “?Quien es mas macho?”

    Ed. note: It’s now been added.

  3. On February 16, 2006 at 21:11 Joseph Hill said:

    To encourage competition, I hereby offer $1 to anyone who enters and when asked, “Who is your heterosexual role model?” answers “Tom Cruise.”

    Oooo…ooo….Can I do it? I wanna be JUST like Tom Cruise…after all, Tom’s got a whole army of lawyers to lay waste anyone who disputes his macho hetero credentials.

  4. On March 1, 2006 at 14:52 Dr Kaihsu Tai (Oxford, England) said:

    Down in D.R. they used to call me “Kaihsu su macho”.

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